The Danger of Liv Wheeler and the Abuse of Community in Spiritual Spaces
An outline of the spiritual abuse and questionable ethics of Liv Wheeler and Ancestor Bridge.
Last year I went on an Ancestralization Retreat with Liv “Mokai” Wheeler and was deeply mistreated.
It is my intention with this piece to inform the readers of my experience which harmed me, to take back any recommendations I made to anyone in my community to work with Liv, and to shed some light on the harm that spiritual leaders can inflict when they do not keep themselves in check. It is also my intention to provide Liv, if she chooses to read this and engage with the content here, with actionable resources to make her spaces more trauma-informed and safer spaces for BIPOC.
I have sat with this piece for a long while considering my role in speaking out and weighing how to do it. I want to be clear that I believe in transformative justice even though we are, societally, in a necessarily experimental place with it as we learn to be less punitive. I also want to be clear that I believe survivors of abuse and think that their voices need to be heard — for the sake of their healing, for the sake of their community, and for the sake of the person who has done harm so they can choose to make different choices in the future; if they choose to recognize their behavior and seek help. I also believe there is a difference between conflict and abuse. Those who have experienced abuse should not reenter spaces where they have been abused if they don’t feel safe.
I do not feel safe bringing the following to Liv. I feel that I would be gaslit and further shut down. I feel there is a great possibility of being retraumatized and that this course of action is one in which I can use my voice to shed light on a number of issues that are rampant in our spiritual communities while providing context and actionable steps towards change.
It is also my intention with this piece to ask all of us to pay attention to the hierarchical structures, the charismatic leaders, and the lack of systems of accountability that have been created in our spiritual communities. May we all begin to envision new ways of being in community.
It feels appropriate now to write a CW around spiritual abuse/cult tactics.
I began my ancestor work in 2018 and it quickly became an area of deep curiosity and devotion. It became a crux of my spiritual practice. I had a very close friendship with someone who was also deepening her relationship with her ancestors and she found Liv and her work through podcasts. This friend eventually went on a ritual retreat with Liv and her organization Ancestor Bridge which consists of Liv, her gatekeeper that works directly underneath her and acts as a facilitator, another facilitator that primarily performs energetic clearings, and a handful of other people who provide their services to Liv and/or the retreat group for trade (their service in exchange for space at the retreat). My friend went on this retreat and came back with deepened knowledge of ancestral work and an agreement that she would provide services for Liv in exchange for a spot on future retreats. The next one was going to be held in Ireland. Land of my ancestors. It was scheduled for early July of 2019. I felt called to go and my friend was excited to share in this experience with me.
Six months later it was almost time for us to gather. Those of us participating had been introduced to each other online and there were a few introductory emails sent out about what to expect (itinerary, lodgings, etc) along with information about how important a clearing practice is. There were discussions about entities and entity energy.
I believe in many things both woo and practical. I believe in energetic systems and that we each have an energy body. Sometimes that gets filled up with gunk and we need to clear it. You can call that gunk bad vibes, negative energy, entities, etc. The most responsible thing to call it is probably unprocessed trauma. Which we all carry. There was early instillation of fear and paranoia around this topic.
We gathered in a remote area in the Irish countryside. We were told we wouldn’t be able to reach anyone while we were on this retreat. Talking to anyone outside of the group could lead to an energetic interruption as we were setting up ritual space and preparing for an all night vigil. Our days were structured so that we did every activity and ate every meal together. We had shared bedrooms. There was no time alone.
The first gathering was in a remote clearing where a channeling would take place. We had just set down our bags but hadn’t made any formal introductions yet. We were told we could ask three questions and the answers would be channeled by Liv from Kontomble — the earth spirits Liv works with — and then translated into English. I asked something along the lines of “how can we free ourselves from the bondage of patriarchy and become closer to the Earth?”. Liv channeled an answer which led to her screaming in English. Screaming about how we don’t appreciate the Earth and the perils of the people on it. Screaming about how “all we care about are designer handbags while our sisters are getting raped in Afghanistan”. This screaming was directed at me through the question, “Is that okay with you??” yelled repeatedly until it occurred to me that I might be being asked for an answer. I’ve never owned a “designer” anything and the nature of the screaming led me to believe that this was a rhetorical question. I answered something along the lines of “of course not” but felt some hot shame as this anger was being directed at me. The energy was raised by this screaming and got so thick the space became a sort of ritual purge space. People, including myself, started crying and heaving and moaning. I have been a part of circles like this before (in different contexts). Some other group members had not. No one was prepared for this. But everyone left feeling moved in some way or another. Everyone left feeling like we were really going to get into some deep work here.
Everyone left feeling the power and presence of Liv.
The next evening we were led in a group yoga session by one of the group members who was offering their services for trade. Neither Liv nor the facilitators were present. After we finished and before dinner, my friend whom I’d come on this trip with suggested that we all share what brought us here. A sort of sharing circle. The facilitators walked in on this and their faces darkened. My friend was told that this was inappropriate without the supervision and permission of Liv or one of the other facilitators. She asked why it was inappropriate and she and the group were told that this was “entity energy” circulating in the room. She was brought outside and spoken to (I was not present for this) and in the course of that time was told that she was “not herself” around me and “acts differently” around me. I did not learn this until nearly a year later.
An event that we were prepping for — kind of a culminating event that got pushed up a few days on our schedule — was an all-night vigil where we learned how to participate in and facilitate an ancestralization ritual Liv learned from her teacher Malidoma Patrice Somé.
Before engaging in the activities of the day, each group member was to be energetically cleared by Liv. She wanted to be sure that there weren’t any negative entities in the space as we were preparing and setting up for ritual. We got in a loose line and each person was cleared and then moved on to start their preparation activity. When it was my turn I was told that I had “too many blocks” to be cleared by Liv and another designated member of the group (one who was there specifically to help Liv do clearings if they were too much for her) needed to be called over to clear me. This happened in front of everyone and there was a show of walking off into a private clearing to get rid of whatever darkness I was harboring. A ritual clearing was performed and I was told I was too open and allowing too many negative energies and demons inside of me and it was dangerous for me and for the group.
After this I felt like I was in a daze. I was ungrounded and floating and wasn’t in my body for any of the preparatory activities we were engaging in that day. I felt isolated and concerned that maybe there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t clearly see. I was in a freeze state. I finally got back into my body before the vigil started by showering and regulating my nervous system instead of taking my time dressing up for ritual. If I didn’t have those skills and didn’t have a background of being in ritual space (in various spiritual circles but mainly in my birthwork) I could have very easily lost myself that night. I had been primed to be in a state of confusion and disconnection from myself and if I hadn’t come back to myself I would have been especially vulnerable to the manipulations of others.
I cannot say with empirical evidence that this was intentional. I can say this was extremely dangerous and irresponsible.
A number of days later we gathered for a circle under a canopy of trees. I don’t remember the stated intention for this circle but there was a lot of emotional sharing happening. Liv decided to share about a project she was starting and let us know that it was a secret and it couldn’t leave that space. The project sounded beautiful and I said so. I also remarked on the beauty of building something through a connection with spirit/spiritual practice and asked her what that looked like. When I was met with silence I offered a little information about part of my spiritual practices. She got very sharp and asked me if I was activated. I didn’t quite understand what she meant by that but I certainly was feeling inspired and lit up so I said yes. I and anyone else who was “activated” was asked to sit in the middle of the circle. Liv began speaking about jealousy and how it is a portal for entities/demons to enter. At this moment I went internal — I was in a trauma response — and began to scan my emotional body for jealousy. Am I jealous? No, that’s not really an emotion that runs through me very often, so when it shows up I can easily identify it. Wait! Am I so filled with jealousy that I can’t even identify it? These were the thoughts racing through my head. This is also the thought pattern of someone who is being gaslit. I was told I was possessed by a demon and needed to be cleared. I was taken out into a field in plain view of the group by the same woman who cleared me preceding the vigil. (I want to note here — this woman was acting under the direct influence of Liv, who was exploiting her and her talents.) I was stunned and confused and scared and saw the fearful faces of the other group members as I was led away. It began to rain. This woman began to squeeze me in a heimlich maneuver, pushed and smacked my body and pulled my hair as I was sobbing and nearly vomiting in the rain all while being watched by the entire group.
Liv spent that time crying in the fetal position while being stroked and cooed over. She cried that anytime she shares anything the demons come and possess someone so she can’t share anything or have intimacy with people.
I came back ashamed like I’ve very rarely felt before (only from other abuses frankly). I was shaking and felt different. Altered. I then apologized to Liv and to the group for my neglect and lack of vigilance. It is hard for me to write that — but I feel a desire to illustrate how this kind of traumatization plays out.
I was targeted, publicly humiliated, and shamed. Made an example out of. I had become a cautionary tale and a pariah. I didn’t even consider leaving as an option because I was there in another country where I didn’t know anyone and my friend who invited me (and who I was going home with) was there. I’d been completely cut off from the outside world and didn’t have any time to myself, so I didn’t have the ability to connect with myself or those that know and love me in order to come back to equilibrium. I didn’t have the space to reflect on what happened in order to name it as abusive. I was locked into a freeze state.
I spent the remaining couple of days of that trip in and out of that freeze state. The aforementioned friendship fell apart shortly after we touched ground in Los Angeles, largely due to the influence of this group. (We have recently reconciled.) I have spent the last year sitting in a lot of self doubt and isolation. I withdrew from my communities and couldn’t really name what had happened or what was currently happening (PTSD). In the after-haze when people asked about my experience I said many times, “I don’t know how to talk about it but I learned so much — if you ever have the opportunity to do this work do it”.
And I still stand by that. Doing ancestral work and spiritual inquisition work is personally gratifying and necessary to engage in if we are going to make the collective shifts we are trying to make.
But I do not endorse working with Liv Wheeler.
I would like to continue this piece by sharing what I have learned from other people who have worked with Liv and break down some of the harmful tactics being used. Liv is not the only spiritual leader who uses these tactics. They are common, rampant, and hard to spot at first.
In speaking with other people who have worked with or have sat with Liv in ritual spaces, a clear pattern has emerged:
Instillation of fear before gathering which sets a tone of hypervigilance in the group and doesn’t allow room for other viewpoints when participating in in-person gatherings.
A dramatic first channeling that causes emotional and spiritual outbursts before everyone settles in. This creates a trauma bond between group participants and an “us against them” mentality (“them” being anyone not in on this channeled information), which sets the stage for the charismatic leader to provide all the answers.
Isolation in the form of not having contact with the outside world or ways to reach anyone outside of the group (no cell reception or WiFi; a remote location). Without the ability to talk to loved ones, group members cannot be reminded of who they are outside of the group or cautioned against group goings-on.
No time alone away from the group, which achieves the same effect as above with the additional disadvantage of not being able to connect with yourself and your root.
Very little sleep, which puts group members in a vulnerable emotional, mental, and physical state.
Constant top-down changes in schedule reminding group members that their time here is not their own and they have no autonomy.
Personal wisdom or spiritual belief systems other than the leader’s being vilified as entity energy — this positions Liv as the godhead and signals to the group that her way is the only Truth and you can only access that Truth through her. Other members in subsequent retreats have been told that they are not allowed to use their skills unless explicitly asked to do so (this includes casual tarot readings). Some people have been accused of their work echoing Liv’s and shunned due to Liv — her words — “hearing herself” in their offerings. They are then outcast by the group because they have ostensibly taken something of Liv’s, and that is deemed entity energy. This creates a closed loop in which Liv appears to be infallible. This also signals to the group that it is unacceptable and dangerous to have sovereignty and/or personal power.
Breaking up alliances with anyone bonded prior to the gathering, or group members who begin to bond while on the retreat. This typically happens when someone who is working underneath Liv has a closeness with someone who isn’t. The threat of allegiance to Liv being broken is immediately dealt with by humiliation and/or ostracization.
Having a gatekeeper who participants need to go through if they want to have any contact with Liv. No one can talk to or email Liv without going through her gatekeeper. This person is being used as a shield and a scapegoat and is being taught to use devotion as weapon (if you are not devoted enough you are not good enough). This is internalized by the gatekeeper, and a culture of unwavering devotion is made clear towards any group members.
Questions of safety are considered dissent and have been discouraged by Liv getting so upset that she leaves the group and doesn’t come back because “they are no longer deserving” of her time; leaving those that work underneath her to tend to her emotional outburst and take over leading any group activities that Liv was supposed to be a part of. In other instances, ostracization, public humiliation, and/or accusation of entity energy is used.
Ostracization which draws on our deep primal fears of being abandoned by a group and not being able to access resources necessary for survival (food, shelter, warmth, love).
Public humiliation which fills the victim with such deep shame that they become pliable or silent. If they don’t, they run the risk of being labeled as unstable, or face accusations of being further possessed — putting their bodies and psyches back in harm’s way. In this way the abuser effectively silences the victim, appears as a savior in the eyes of the group (or victimizes themselves to distract from the harm being done), and makes the victim an example of what happens if you step out of line .
There are a few things here we need to be mindful of — this is likely the way that Liv was initiated into her spiritual tradition and she is behaving according to how she was treated and taught. We also need to acknowledge that there are different ways to elicit a spiritual experience. Some people believe deprivation takes you out of your body and brings you to a spiritual experience. Others believe that embodiment connects you to God (Spirit, The Universe, Christ Consciousness, however you decide to name it). This group uses the first method and pushes it to an extreme that is harmful if we aren’t in a place with a safe foundation. The way Liv uses this modality is not trauma-informed and is therefore dangerous.
As human beings we repeat patterns. We teach in the manner that we have been taught. This is purely speculation as I don’t know anything about the teaching methods of her teachers, but it is important here to realize that Liv’s behavior may not be conscious.(***See below for an addendum) While her behavior is absolutely harmful, I do not want to vilify her as I have a hunch that she may also have suffered a great deal of abuse. We are all capable of harm and we all have to hold ourselves and each other accountable. We need to be better at recognizing and speaking up about harmful patterns of behavior.
We walk into spiritual spaces looking for community. Looking for people who may be like us. Up until recently we have culturally worshiped individualism and are now moving towards collectivism; but we don’t have readily-available examples of safe and healthy community and collective care. We’ve been cut off from our spiritual lineages and are hungry for spiritual wisdom and practices. Still, we need to activate discernment before we engage in the spirit of surrender. We also need a better understanding of what to look out for in spaces where we may not be safe.
I want to take a minute here to say that laced in between these, now obvious, problematic events I’m laying out here to you, there were some really beautiful moments with the women on this trip. It was a group of heart-centered people who are all, in their own ways, deeply devoted to their practice and what they are offering to the world. I met people whom I still care about deeply and a few of those people are still involved directly or indirectly with this group. That is what made understanding what happened so hard. There was so much beauty and I learned so much. And there was mistreatment and abuse. And and and. May we all make more room for “and” while we are trying to understand our experiences.
In the next section of this piece I would like to address the questionable ethics in this organization including cultural appropriation, spiritual bypassing, tokenization of BIPOC, financial abuse, a general culture of white supremacy, and anti-mask rhetoric in the age of COVID-19. Many of these examples are things I have recently become aware of through listening to others’ stories about gatherings they have attended with Liv.
There is rampant cultural appropriation happening in this group. Liv positions herself as the godhead for Kontomble divination. Kontomble is the West African term for elemental earth beings (there are many names for this stemming from different lineages and traditions — they are often referred to as the little people or the fae). Liv does name her teacher and the lineage she learned from and refers to her time with the Dagara people in Burkina Faso studying under Malidoma Somé. But Liv makes a lot of money on these retreats where she teaches the rituals of these people to, mainly, white women, and there is seemingly no reciprocity between Liv and the lineage she learned her practice from. When asked about how to properly pay respects to the people of the land where ritual is being done, she responds that “the land is always happy for ritual”. To be clear: if you are a group of white women doing ritual on land that white people stole from Indigenous people and you do not address that bloody history, you are not truly engaging with the land around you; you are using it for personal benefit and profit. If a statement like this is made to Liv, it is met with accusations of “divisiveness”. When the notion of cultural appropriation comes up, the response is a literal scoff and a quick eye roll explanation that we are all one and even if we don’t come from a particular lineage in this lifetime we may have come from it in another lifetime with an implication that if you don’t already get that then you aren’t on a high enough spiritual plane. This is a textbook definition of spiritual bypassing.
Liv collects BIWOC as contributors to Ancestor Bridge and uses their image as a shield against accusations of racism. She asks these people to work for her for trade — their service in exchange for space at a retreat and promotion on her website and social media pages. They are talented artists and healers and are being exploited under the guise of mentorship. They are not paid for their time, expertise or the immense amount of artistic, physical and emotional labor they perform. When there are accusations of cultural appropriation or racism, Liv points to the diversity in the faces of the people on her website. This is optical allyship and tokenization.
More recently, Liv has held online circles in which she has supported anti-mask rhetoric. COVID-19 disproportionately affects BIPOC in this country and refusing to wear a mask/signaling to followers that they shouldn’t wear a mask is violence against the BIPOC community.
There is also talk of how the uprising we are experiencing after the death of George Floyd is “demonic energy”. Engaging in dissent, conflict, or violence (frankly any associations with political revolution) is considered to be “divisive” demonic interference because “we are all one race”. References to lizard people and wendigo have been used in lieu of discussing systemic racism in Liv’s circles.
Upon news that COVID-19 would prevent a few of the retreats planned for 2020, Liv did not give back the money that participants paid (including the deposit money) and instead offered a credit for future events. It is my understanding that a refund was out of the question and that the language around this was that participants needed to have faith in the future and be devoted to Spirit. There is a heavy implication that if you are not devoted in the particular ways outlined by Liv, then you will not be able to progress spiritually.
All that I’ve illustrated above are things that I have experienced or witnessed directly or are the experiences of others that were told to me directly. I’d like to wrap up this piece by talking about community dynamics, accountability, and action items. It is my hope that we can begin to repair the flaws in hierarchical spiritual communities.
Liv doesn’t have anyone close enough to her to have a conversation about accountability with her. She has surrounded herself with people who will work underneath her and be unquestionably devoted. Those people are not in a position where they can challenge her. There is a power imbalance and the people who work closest with her are also subject to her manipulation and/or abuse.
We need a better accountability system.
We are currently having a cultural conversation around call-ins vs call-outs and taking a critical look at cancel culture. That line of inquiry is deeply beneficial for us as we learn how to hold each other accountable. We are learning how and when to use conflict resolution and learning how and when to use our voices to name experiences that have caused us harm. We need to be aware that it is not the job of the person who was harmed to “call in” if they are actively working through their trauma. Calling in also won’t work if it is going to be met with the same behavior that was harmful in the first place. It is the role of the people around the person who has been harmed to provide community care and healing. It is the role of the people around the person who has done harm to hold them accountable, and to help them process the problematic nature of their approach — this is also community care and healing. But we don’t have networks that communicate with each other in this way. We haven’t established a system where people can safely and reasonably discuss cycles of abuse in a community forum.
I would like to offer a few actionable steps to Liv, to those around her, or to any other spiritual leaders who are needing to question their practices:
Cancel your scheduled retreats and step down from leadership for the time being in order to reassess what it means to be in a leadership position.
Study the works of trauma-informed therapists and/or spiritual practitioners such as Resmaa Menakem, Peter Levine, or Bessel van der Kolk.
Explore the pervasiveness of white supremacy and critically examine the ways that you are engaging in racist practices (cultural appropriation, tokenization, spiritual bypassing, etc). There are many resource lists but studying the work of Layla Saad, Resmaa Menakem (again), Ta-Nehisi Coates, and Rachel Cargle is a start.
Have more transparency around where retreat participants’ money goes. Consider making donations to the communities you have culturally appropriated from. Consider making donations to the communities you are visiting and whose land you are performing ritual on.
Pay the people that work for you a fair wage and have structure around your “trade” arrangements (e.g., invoices and equitable trade) with a respect for people’s time, resources, and limits.
Reflect on how you will establish an accountability system and how you will restructure your community offerings if you plan on returning to a position of leadership. A great resource for this line of inquiry is adrienne maree brown’s “Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Shaping Worlds”.
Consider whether community offerings/leading/teaching is the best way for you to engage with people.
Give your audience a better understanding of your ethics, your core values, and what they are signing up for when making a decision to work with you.
I believe that these are a few ways to begin doing the necessary repair work in order to make spiritual spaces more trauma-informed and safer for BIPOC. Many leaders are being called into question right now as we begin to create new ways of being in community. This is an opportunity to be better. To ask for, and to create the nourishing and healing dynamics in our communities that we have been searching for. It is my hope that this piece lends itself to that revolution, and that we begin to envision a future in which our communities are less hierarchical and more decentralized. It is my hope that we begin to build spiritual communities that focus on repairing harm and aim towards truly becoming spaces of healing.
***Addendum: Since publishing this piece, Malidoma’s team reached out to me to discuss his teaching methods and relationship with students. I would like the conversation to remain private, but you can read what he wrote to the public on his website after this event here. I wanted to name and note this without interrupting the integrity of the original piece.
